I am sitting on a British Airways flight returning to the US after a glorious week at an international school in the UK. No sign of any ash plumes; we are even slated for an early arrival. Since my last blog, I have been to California, Louisiana and Virginia, run the Boston marathon and dodged volcanoes on my way to England!

Airplanes are conducive to deep rumination! I should start out by saying that I truly enjoyed everyone I met at the school and it is a nutritious place where kids can thrive in all kinds of ways. I am just puzzled by some of the conversations I had with adults this week – the kids made lots of sense and seemed rather positive and healthy. Some of their parents are really struggling about how to parent overseas where there is a different drinking age and culture about alcohol. I say this as an observation and not a criticism. I have visited many international schools and I have great compassion for this complex dilemma. I don’t have the answer, either.  I want to keep thinking about it and hope for more input! Some of the (mostly American) mothers in my parent meeting feel under siege about the issue of drinking – they were absolutely honest and I could sense how painful the topic of alcohol has been since moving to Great Britain with their teenagers. England is a lovely, interesting country – If England was a character in a Shakespeare play, its tragic flaw would be its high rate of alcoholism and binge drinking. A fair number of parents have told themselves a story that goes like this: If my 16 year old drinks here in the pub culture (where driving is a non-issue), he or she will learn moderation and handle alcohol well in college. This sounds like a nice idea and it would certainly let one off the hook when it comes to the heavy lifting of parenting! It’s a shame that no research backs this theory up. The reality is quite the opposite – kids who develop an early, significant relationship with alcohol are exactly those who engage in high risk drinking as young adults and beyond. The drinking age is almost irrelevant; what matters is that a child learns about life and all its thrills and pains SOBER. If a young person can learn to regulate mood and manage emotion without the aid of alcohol (regardless of the country), he or she will be able to incorporate alcohol into their lives as adults in a reasonable way. The students in my classes were very open and told me plainly that their classmates who drink – please bear in mind that many students don’t drink – are drinking until they are drunk and some are having all the problems that go along with that. There were stories of kids vomiting, having crippling hangovers and some are even going to the hospital on weekends. This occasionally even happens when there is adult “supervision” at social events. Doesn’t this sound like good old binge drinking in the US? If you read any literature about alcohol use in the UK, it’s at nightmare level for the health system and there are significant social problems related to alcohol abuse. So, I don’t understand the argument to let kids participate in this when it so clearly isn’t working. It’s not just England; several countries on the continent are trying to increase their drinking ages – France and Spain come to mind. The morbidity rate linked to alcohol consumption is higher in Europe than anywhere in the world.

I sometimes wonder if “Globalization” really means “Americanization.” Are European youth now taking their cues from MTV, Facebook and You Tube? The script kids are given about alcohol by these media giants is really warped. I have to wonder if the kids are just acting out a scenario they believe to be “reality,” therefore making it reality. I am sure there are European teens who have small amounts of alcohol with relatives and it all works out fine – if alcohol use could be that closely controlled and there were no cues from TV and the Internet, it might be possible to “teach” kids to drink.  People who see alcohol as food are rarely in trouble with alcohol. Approaching alcohol as a drug? That’s drug abuse. Any teen who drinks for the effects is at significant risk of becoming a problem drinker. Unfortunately, it seems this style of drinking is the norm for teens in pubs and cafes across Europe.

If I moved to India, I wouldn’t be trying to arrange a marriage for my child. In Saudi Arabia I wouldn’t require my daughter to wear a veil. Someone pointed out to me that this analogy doesn’t quite work, as other American parents wouldn’t be pressuring me to take on these cultural values in the Middle East or Asia. This is certainly true and the kids themselves wouldn’t be pestering their parents to take on these new habits. American parents don’t have the law on their side in Europe and feel like they have lost leverage…The school is doing some real soul searching about the role of alcohol in the community right now – It is a healthy, meaningful conversation and progress is evident. If you are a parent in this situation, I believe it’s important to ask yourself if you feel it is safe or helpful for your child to be drinking at such a critical stage of development. Should geography really make such a crucial health decision for your family? A few years of tension with your child may pay off when you launch an intact, emotionally sound adult into the world who is not addicted to alcohol or other drugs. As always, I wish the good people I meet in all corners of the world lots of courage!