I write my piece today very much influenced by an excellent article on gay students in last Sunday’s NY Times Magazine. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/27/magazine/27out-t.html I won’t say too much about sexual identity in schools, as the article does a much superior job than I will on the various nuances of this latest frontier for schools. Gay youth have a much higher rate of substance abuse and suicide, so this is indeed an urgent issue in the health arena. I will just give my little perspective as a traveling minstrel to independent schools. I find that schools are finally itching to address the topic of sexuality – I believe this is coming from kids; gay/questioning  students are doing what Maya Angelou recommends – insisting on themselves! This important topic is proving to be a big Goliath – not for kids, but for adults…More and more of my client schools are asking me to include the issue of sexual identity in my presentations on health and safety – I have come to the sad conclusion that similar to alcohol, kids take their cues about sexuality from adults and it ain’t pretty! I have heard adults object to including sexual identity in sex education classes or the formation of gay/straight alliances  at schools. They seem to misunderstand that such efforts are not to “promote” a gay lifestyle, but to lend support and safety to kids who identify as gay or bisexual. Sometimes people are not actively anti-gay, but lack sensitivity by assuming everyone is heterosexual. They talk about life and the world as if all people are straight. Adults think I’m being fussy when I suggest that it isn’t sensitive to ask a teenager if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend or to say things like “wow, all the boys must be crazy about you!” I heard an otherwise excellent teacher correct a boy who came in on a Monday complaining of a sore back from his weekend of gardening – He looked so embarrassed when she announced “Boys don’t garden, they do yard work!”  I could list 1000 examples – this subtle enforcement of strict gender and sexual identity roles makes it difficult for students to feel at ease and be themselves. Nobody wants to just be “tolerated,” they want true acceptance, not having to privatize their feelings if they are gay. I still like to think about a slogan on a T-Shirt the basketball player Dennis Rodman wore to an interview – “I don’t mind straight people as long as they act gay in public.”

Thankfully, outright bigotry has become unacceptable, and no adult in a school would let a racial slur of any kind go by…But kids freely call each other “fag” and use the word gay as a synonym for stupid, lame, gross or bad.  When I think about how many times a day I see/hear this happen as a visitor to schools, I can only imagine how frequently the average adult hears “that’s so gay!” in the halls or cafeteria.  There are gay people in every organization and they are not only let down, but feel unsafe every time such an incident goes by without anyone intervening on this unkind language. Many middle school kids look truly surprised when I take the time to explain that using the word gay negatively is hurtful and adds to harmful stereotypes – they are just talking like they always do… I really admire the organization GLSEN for the good work they have done in schools on this and other issues – anyone who cares about the topic of sexual identity in schools should visit their Website http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/home/index.html If you think about how long it has taken to sincerely address racial diversity in schools, we may have a long road ahead – sexual identity has an extra sting, as gay people have to fear rejection from their own families.  Charles Pierce said it so well…”I’d rather be black than gay, because when you’re black you don’t have to tell your mother.”

Making pizza at American Flatbread - Waitsfield, Vermont

I am moving through time zones, seasons and cultures at a rapid rate! After arriving home from India on Saturday, I left for a pleasure trip to Vermont on Sunday. It was the perfect re-entry; I could be in a daze and take in Beauty as I toured Monasteries. I even went to a hippie pizza factory (more of a lovely farm) and watched pizzas go in and out of the wood- fired oven with all natural ingredients – all work performed by real humans! We also visited the Weston Priory – the brothers were having their quiet time, so not much happening there besides loveliness and peace. Vermont is mellow and makes me feel uncluttered. Visiting the Monks of New Skete in Cambridge, NY was a thrill – we saw the breeding operation for their world famous German Shepherds and bought some cheesecake from the nuns down the road.

Chapel at Monks of New Skete

LSD

My next gig at a school isn’t until October 5. This gives me time to think about how to do the perfect seminar! In 15 years, I have never done one. I hope the fact that I keep tweaking and reaching deeper inside makes me someone kids can trust and believe. Even though I go around talking to thousands of people in strange places, I face every assignment with a new insecurity. If I ever feel too confident or too much like an “expert,” it’s probably time to quit. I have 8th grade next – love them. In India the 8th graders wanted to know what LSD looked like. I showed them a picture and they remarked that they look like stamps. A few minutes later I asked the kids to consider what kind of person might be interested in using this kind of drug – one boy yelled out “mailmen!?” I love those “all natural” answers that you only get in middle school. High school students often actually think before they speak, which takes some of the fun out of it. Speaking of kids and drugs, I just found a Website that could be useful for parents and educators. They are promoting a book, which I haven’t read yet, but there are other pages with some helpful information. The link to the page itself is http://www.straightdopeforparents.org/ The organization that led me to that site is EXCELLENT http://www.jointogether.org/. Anyone at all invested in the topic of alcohol and other drug use would find Join Together extremely helpful.

I’m still thinking about India – the country is becoming a permanent part of me, as I have now been there 6 times. For now, I will bake pies, go on long runs through the woods and press on with my work. I found a Website, passed it on to my sister, who said it was so touching it brought her to tears. It is an organization that brings people together over a slice of good pie. http://www.pielab.org/

This is the perfect topic for the next list: THINGS TO TALK ABOUT OVER PIE: how much you love it!, how the neighbors are doing, what to have for dinner now that you have spoiled your appetite with late afternoon pie and other innocent topics.  Pie seems like a helpful kind of food. If you need a more riveting list…THINGS THAT MOVE YOU TO TEARS: Nelson Mandela, Olympic wins, the scene in Terms of Endearment where the mother pleads with the nurse to give her daughter the pain medication, suffering children or animals…

Send me your list!

Andrew Wyeth said, “I do more painting when I’m not painting.” I do all of my writing when I’m not writing. I gather thoughts on a run or just throughout the day and by the time I log in here, all I have to do is type. I plan all my presentations that way, too. As I come to the end of my visit, everything is revving up at school. It always happens this way, no matter how long I stay somewhere, kids wait until the last second when I am trying to get on an airplane to pull me aside and talk. I find the time, as I understand the courage it takes for them to approach. This will likely be my last entry in India. It’s been so exciting and expansive to be at this incredible school. I hope you find my blog just as interesting when I am writing it from Baltimore! Tomorrow will be riveting – His Holiness the Karmapa (or HHK, for short) is visiting the school and there will be several events to hear him talk and listen to chanting monks. You can learn more about the Karmapa here: http://www.pbs.org/wnet/religionandethics/episodes/july-24-2009/health-care-costs-and-the-elderly/36/ Also, the folk singer Carrie Newcomer will be performing at the Coffee House For Peace tomorrow night.

Awesome Kathy and Brenda in Lodhi Park

The woman pictured here with me is Kathy, my host at the school.  She is simply perfect and I appreciate her more than I can say. She provides me with a teaching schedule that makes sense, meets all my physical needs and is lovely company. I am embarrassed to say I have sent her one line emails asking for things like dental floss. I wish I knew of a way to repay her kindness…Big day today: classes and meetings all day and then a parent/student evening with the 9th grade this evening. It’s my favorite thing to do with people. We separate the kids into discussion groups where they aren’t with their own parents – at first they are scared and then they recognize the freedom of being able to talk and listen without that intense emotional investment you have in what a family member is saying. It always works and I must admit that I learn more listening to those conversations than anyone learns from me!

I have to stop and leave for school. I feel eager to meet the day. I have had my run, taking in all the sights at 5:50 am – It’s interesting to see the men bathing in groups on the sidewalks. They wear sarongs and kind of rinse all around and seem to get quite clean that way – This makes me think of the novel Shantaram, by Australian Gregory David. After being invited to an Indian friend’s home village, he finally has a chance to have a bath after a long journey. As he removes his clothes and approaches the tub, the friend comes running out frantically yelling, ” you cannot be naked in India, especially without clothes on!”

As I am close to departure, today’s list will be THINGS THAT ARE HARD TO LEAVE: Loved ones, delightful dreams, interesting conversations, chips with salsa and places that are difficult to get to…

Keep your lists coming!

The Beauties who greet me in the lobby every morning

There is nothing like seeing a place on foot. As a distance runner, I can cover a lot of ground, without being locked away in an air-conditioned vehicle. I can move fast enough to not get bogged down in anything I don’t want to be involved in, but I can also engage my environment, as I am a real part of it. I finally mustered the courage to go for a run outdoors in Delhi. What was I afraid of – monkey attacks? traffic? pollution? too hot? the unknown? It seemed like a good moment – early Sunday morning, minimal traffic and not too hot after all the rain we have had here. I decided to run to school and back because I know the way. I figured if things got weird, I could just dash back to the hotel. I looked 20 times each way before I crossed any road, as they drive on the left here. I almost die in London every time I go there as a pedestrian in a country where they actually have driving rules that people obey. I hope I can figure out a way to run outdoors every day for the rest of my trip. The treadmill brings me down – part of running for me is having a significant encounter with the outdoors and it’s just not interesting on a machine in a luxury hotel. My hesitation to run outdoors is partly that I really am an uptight white person. I suppose that is in my hard drive, but I want to work on that. I am afraid of smelling something bad or seeing something unpleasant, I guess. How could I have been so wrong? My run this morning was glorious. Nothing scary, just lots of rich life occuring every where I looked. People looked at me with curiosity; they are not used to a non-Indian person pounding down the road with very little clothing on. I felt I might as well have been wearing skis or something. I saw children running all around the slum across from school, puppies having a party, people bathing, a guard shaving in his guard house. Most people smiled at me and everyone seemed to be in good cheer – this is what continues to amaze me about this country. I want to learn what that is – their happiness seems to have no relationship to material possessions. Many Americans suffer so about all of that!

The jolly doorman

Tomorrow is back to school for a fuller week! I have 3 evening parent meetings. I enjoy my time with the adults in the community, partly because I just like to meet the parents of these fabulous kids, but also because most substance abuse is really a systemic problem that begins with adult attitudes and behaviors and trickles down to the kids. Teens are confused about alcohol because adults are confused about alcohol. I sometimes joke with my students and ask them if a relative has ever offered them alcohol on a special, social occasion. Most raise their hands and burst into stories of when that happened. I then ask them if any relative has ever come running up with a mirror full of cocaine and said “C’mon have a snort, it’s New Year’s Eve and we are all having some!” Of course, there are huge differences between cocaine and alcohol, one being illegal, the other perfectly legal. Many adults treat alcohol as a beverage and drink it in a completely safe way. Unfortunately, kids who drink are generally approaching alcohol as a drug, and using it harmfully. The British Rugby player, Gareth Chilcott is famous for saying “I am off for a quiet pint, followed by 15 noisy ones.” I think that is what kids have in mind when they decide to drink. I just wish we could get adults to take alcohol seriously as a drug and then kids would buy into that, too. Postponement is the message about booze and I think most would agree that kids who wait until they have a full set of social, coping and general life skills do better with alcohol in their adult lives. I’ll end my rant here. One of the pages of my Website has some links to articles I have authored on these topics if you want to keep going with it!

A street dog as peaceful and mellow as the people here...

Today my wonderful host and friend, Kathy is treating me to lunch at Moti Mahal, where Butter Chicken was invented.  Then we will go for a walk in a quiet garden, followed by hot stone massages! Gee whiz, will that be a delightful Sunday afternoon. I have enjoyed the comments from readers, keep them coming! How about a new list?

THINGS THAT SHOULD BE LARGE: Elephants, pieces of pie, the human heart, the amount of attention you pay to the the world around you…

Well, no wedding that I know of…But huge, fat, warm raindrops all day and night. I sloshed around school, teaching 8th graders from 60 or so nations. Middle schoolers are juicy – I enjoy them immensely. That many young ones in one building makes for a kind of open air asylum – I love to laugh, so it’s a good place to operate. The kids were great company in class – after getting drenched and having some technical difficulties, they cheered me up!

It’s stimulating to be back at work, although I face every assignment with a new insecurity. I don’t come at the students with an all knowing competence; I actually approach from a vulnerability of mine – I think they sense that and appreciate it. I say much less than I used to about my own teen addiction, but now and again, even just a few sentences gives me goose bumps – like, I am so LUCKY – the gift of an extra life and now I get to go offer more possibilities to kids. I dedicate myself to each group totally for the hour I am with them – what else should I do?

Okay, another “only in India” moment: A group of spa employees have started gathering to watch me run on the treadmill. When I get off the machine and remove my headphones, they yell ‘Congratulations!”  It’s nice to feel like the winner of a race where you were the only runner – sort of like an election in an oppressive regime…I find the people here so extraordinary – they are cheerful, relaxed and pleasant, much more so than people in countries that have massive wealth and opportunity.  There is something to be learned here – they get it that all they have is each other.

Going home to teach is always a surprising feeling.  In some ways, my work in America feels easier, as I don’t have to constantly consider all of these religions and cultures within my speech and content. Although, I suppose I should keep that sensitivity going, as cultural diversity may be less apparent in the states, but it sure is there – especially when it comes to the many ways different households treat alcohol…Hmmm. I just landed on something there – I guess I had to write it to discover it.

I don’t know how to work my blog yet. I had comments that I didn’t know about! That’s like finding presents someone hid too well. I “approved” them and they are here to read. Thanks ever so much to those people who wrote. My friend Melissa even made a list! I have a new list:

THINGS THAT ONLY KIDS DO: Shriek in the cafeteria, thrive with only a partially functioning frontal lobe, ride bikes down staircases, waste time with no guilt (how gorgeous), eat those candies that are sugar dots on a long piece of paper.

Would love to read your lists!

I'm in Delhi

If you are on a school schedule like I am, August is when your “Sunday Night Feeling” begins – Monday being September…And then school starts and you wonder what all the dread was for (not that dread is ever useful), as it’s brilliant and invigorating to be back with beloved colleagues and inspiring students! I have the immense privilege of starting my Drug Lady Tour in New Delhi, India. This is my 6th visit to India and I have grown to love, love, love it. This is an example of why: I was trying to figure out a way to run outside and several people at school warned that the weather has been dry and the monkeys are acting out. Plus there is extreme heat, pollution, INSANE traffic and lots of mayhem. I got chatting with a charming Indian fellow who works at the fitness center and he suggested that I go to Nehru park where there are “many delightful ladies and mens running.”  I asked if there were monkeys and he replied, “No, Madame, only very human persons there.” As he said this, he gave that gorgeous little head wag that only people in this part of the world can do. If I can have conversations like that every day, I will be in heaven.

So, I have been afraid to start my Blog. Not sure I have anything of merit to say and I don’t want it to be one of those icky I JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT MYSELF things. I was lucky enough to be able to attend a talk by the head of school here this morning. He asked the faculty what they thought was worth thinking about?  More importantly, as educators how do we enable kids to choose what to think about? These are essential questions and I can’t help but apply them to this blog – what is worth writing about?  I don’t think I know yet, but if I keep going, I will discover something.

When in doubt, I make lists.  I learned recently that the ancient Chinese writer Sei Shonagon made compelling lists. I will leave you with a positive list -

THINGS THAT CANNOT BE COMPARED: Dark chocolate, Charlotte Brontë, running in winter after a light snow, the love of a dog, the company of teenagers.

I invite you to submit your list!

Stay tuned…and keep the faith