I wrapped up my school year at a girls school where I facilitated an interactive 8^th grade student/parent evening that was a wild success. The activity is fascinating, as families are put into discussion groups about alcohol/drug issues with other people’s family members – the results are astonishing. It is delightfully freeing to talk about this topic with someone else’s mom or child – you can truly listen without that emotional investment you have in your own person. As the groups finish and return to the auditorium, the students are running around frantically asking, “was my dad weird in the group? Who had my mother?” The answers are so sweet and reassuring: “We had your mom in our group; she was so funny and nice!” Whew, once the kids realize that their parents didn’t misbehave, they relax and are enthusiastic about how interesting it was to hear from other adults on this vast and confusing issue…Generally, parents focus on safety and their wish to help their child avoid ending end up hurt or damaged in some way. Hearing another parent package the same message in slightly different language or a new anecdote is refreshing and comforting for kids. I will often say, “raise your hand if you found out your parents are normal tonight!” Many hands slowly and reluctantly go up…The questions I hand out to be used in the groups are meant to promote honest dialogue and not put any one on the spot. The groups are encouraged to leave the question sheet and have a more organic chat once some rapport has been established. I beg parents to approach the kids from their vulnerability as parents and not lecture or “educate” the students.  I never have to guide the students; they just intuitively know what to do and are glad for an opportunity to hear something other than the Surgeon General’s Warning from adults.

I already mentioned that it was a brilliant evening. I would have just walked away feeling fine about the evening and not given it any more thought if it hadn’t been for a comment from an adult at the close of the event. When we re-gather as a large group, I always ask for people to speak about what they will take away from their group discussion. An older woman who is raising her granddaughter said something provocative and very true. I have actually been thinking about it ever since. These are not her exact words, but this is essentially what she said: “The girls in our group were lovely, smart and articulate. They said all the right things and gave countless reasons to abstain from illegal drug use and underage drinking. They all speak as if they will never get involved in any of it. Yet there are lovely, smart, articulate high school aged girls involved in drinking and other drug use – how do we go deeper with this conversation, so it’s not just people saying the right things, but actually living well and avoiding harmful behaviors throughout their lives?” I have been doing this work for a long time and I still have many more questions than answers when it comes to teen behavior. The only thing I feel sure of is that the answer to that grandmother’s question lies in relationships. It’s relational – I feel that relationships are the access point to kids, starting with their relationships at home. The people I know who don’t abuse substances or have quit abusing them often say they are preserving something important – they recognize that drug use and all that goes along with it will interfere with their relationship to ______ (fill in the blank).

I am not discounting how compelling, sexy, edgy and attractive alcohol/drug use is made to seem in our culture – think of all the messages kids receive on social media sites that we adults aren’t even aware of. What we do see on TV and in movies is aggressive enough and it is terrifying to think that there is a whole online world that isn’t on our radar screen. Only something real and valuable, like human interaction can compete with all of that.

Sometimes a stray comment made by a middle school student will haunt me for a long time afterward. I had such an experience last week while conducting a prevention seminar with an 8^th grade class. A girl shared the following conversation she had recently had with her brother, who is a senior:  She asked him how he could stand to drink beer, which she thinks tastes “gross.” His reply was, “You’ll like it when you’re 17 – you’ll see.” I asked her what she understood that to mean and she said, “I guess I better learn to like beer by the time I’m 17.” I get sad when I hear things like that. Even though the climate is better than it’s ever been before for kids who choose the path of non-use in this country, there are still lots of 14 year olds out there who feel drinking is inevitable and take that notion with them to 9^th grade. We could analyze this conversation between a girl and her brother and find many clues as to how kids in middle school get their information about high school – it also highlights the fact that the high school experience begins in a young person’s mind long before they get there, much as college starts in a high school student’s imagination as they listen to older siblings, watch movies and take in tales of folks who have lived it already. It all depends on who is painting the picture. Many young people believe that MTV’s Spring Break and what they read on Facebook is actually true of everyone in those age groups. Uh-oh.

Kids tend to behave in accordance with what they believe to be the norm. In the world of alcohol, they try to live up to their perception of how much others are drinking. This is why it’s extra important that we take on the following tasks:

*Help amplify the voices of those who aren’t drinking up a storm – meaning the majority. Monitoring the Future reports that around 40% of high school seniors acknowledged drinking alcohol in the last 30 days in 2009. One statement from her brother prompted an 8^th grade girl to believe that everybody likes beer when they’re 17 (when in fact 60% of 12th graders don’t drink beer). Remember that everybody means “everyone in my small world.” The subtitle in her brother’s comment is: there is something strange about you if you don’t like beer in high school. This girl needs to start hearing some new sentences pretty soon. She should see as many examples of “sober” high school students thriving in their lives as can be put in front of her. I’m sure her brother is just talking when he says such things. He is surely unaware that he is shaping his sister’s vision of high school or even affecting her future behavior in a potent way.  This is why we need to be talking with our children (the young and almost grown) about their beliefs, their image of themselves in the next few years and the impact their comments could have on others.

*Stay mindful that transition is a vulnerable time for youngsters – they are trying to redefine themselves in their new spot, looking for new connections.  They are craving their new freedoms and scared of them, too. They don’t know if they’re really up to the new challenges and they are feeling grief about what they are leaving behind. This creates many small voids in the psyche that alcohol/other drugs could fill quite nicely. This is why they need their parents more then ever, which they oddly illustrate by pushing you away as fast and as hard as they can. It could be a weird ride for the next few years, so buckle in and hold on tight.

*Make sure your child understands that there are always more options than they think – hopefully they will want to talk out some of their social dilemmas with you AND other trusted adults. Watch them closely as they enter a new situation and “check in” with them often. Look for signs of stress and try to walk them through the process. While assisting them in adapting to a new environment, help them hold on to some of the valuable connections they made in middle school. They don’t have to leave everything behind. Encourage them to stop in and say hello to a beloved middle school teacher – Provide them access to positive middle school friends who are now going to another school.

*Most importantly, network with other parents whose children are also entering high school – it’s a great way to get support and find out how normal you are!

I am sitting on a British Airways flight returning to the US after a glorious week at an international school in the UK. No sign of any ash plumes; we are even slated for an early arrival. Since my last blog, I have been to California, Louisiana and Virginia, run the Boston marathon and dodged volcanoes on my way to England!

Airplanes are conducive to deep rumination! I should start out by saying that I truly enjoyed everyone I met at the school and it is a nutritious place where kids can thrive in all kinds of ways. I am just puzzled by some of the conversations I had with adults this week – the kids made lots of sense and seemed rather positive and healthy. Some of their parents are really struggling about how to parent overseas where there is a different drinking age and culture about alcohol. I say this as an observation and not a criticism. I have visited many international schools and I have great compassion for this complex dilemma. I don’t have the answer, either.  I want to keep thinking about it and hope for more input! Some of the (mostly American) mothers in my parent meeting feel under siege about the issue of drinking – they were absolutely honest and I could sense how painful the topic of alcohol has been since moving to Great Britain with their teenagers. England is a lovely, interesting country – If England was a character in a Shakespeare play, its tragic flaw would be its high rate of alcoholism and binge drinking. A fair number of parents have told themselves a story that goes like this: If my 16 year old drinks here in the pub culture (where driving is a non-issue), he or she will learn moderation and handle alcohol well in college. This sounds like a nice idea and it would certainly let one off the hook when it comes to the heavy lifting of parenting! It’s a shame that no research backs this theory up. The reality is quite the opposite – kids who develop an early, significant relationship with alcohol are exactly those who engage in high risk drinking as young adults and beyond. The drinking age is almost irrelevant; what matters is that a child learns about life and all its thrills and pains SOBER. If a young person can learn to regulate mood and manage emotion without the aid of alcohol (regardless of the country), he or she will be able to incorporate alcohol into their lives as adults in a reasonable way. The students in my classes were very open and told me plainly that their classmates who drink – please bear in mind that many students don’t drink – are drinking until they are drunk and some are having all the problems that go along with that. There were stories of kids vomiting, having crippling hangovers and some are even going to the hospital on weekends. This occasionally even happens when there is adult “supervision” at social events. Doesn’t this sound like good old binge drinking in the US? If you read any literature about alcohol use in the UK, it’s at nightmare level for the health system and there are significant social problems related to alcohol abuse. So, I don’t understand the argument to let kids participate in this when it so clearly isn’t working. It’s not just England; several countries on the continent are trying to increase their drinking ages – France and Spain come to mind. The morbidity rate linked to alcohol consumption is higher in Europe than anywhere in the world.

I sometimes wonder if “Globalization” really means “Americanization.” Are European youth now taking their cues from MTV, Facebook and You Tube? The script kids are given about alcohol by these media giants is really warped. I have to wonder if the kids are just acting out a scenario they believe to be “reality,” therefore making it reality. I am sure there are European teens who have small amounts of alcohol with relatives and it all works out fine – if alcohol use could be that closely controlled and there were no cues from TV and the Internet, it might be possible to “teach” kids to drink.  People who see alcohol as food are rarely in trouble with alcohol. Approaching alcohol as a drug? That’s drug abuse. Any teen who drinks for the effects is at significant risk of becoming a problem drinker. Unfortunately, it seems this style of drinking is the norm for teens in pubs and cafes across Europe.

If I moved to India, I wouldn’t be trying to arrange a marriage for my child. In Saudi Arabia I wouldn’t require my daughter to wear a veil. Someone pointed out to me that this analogy doesn’t quite work, as other American parents wouldn’t be pressuring me to take on these cultural values in the Middle East or Asia. This is certainly true and the kids themselves wouldn’t be pestering their parents to take on these new habits. American parents don’t have the law on their side in Europe and feel like they have lost leverage…The school is doing some real soul searching about the role of alcohol in the community right now – It is a healthy, meaningful conversation and progress is evident. If you are a parent in this situation, I believe it’s important to ask yourself if you feel it is safe or helpful for your child to be drinking at such a critical stage of development. Should geography really make such a crucial health decision for your family? A few years of tension with your child may pay off when you launch an intact, emotionally sound adult into the world who is not addicted to alcohol or other drugs. As always, I wish the good people I meet in all corners of the world lots of courage!

Marijuana isn’t addictive. I remember my older brother explaining to me very carefully that marijuana definitely wasn’t addictive, using himself as an example; “Look at me, Bren, I smoke pot every day, sometimes even a couple of times a day, and I’m not addicted!” Kids get their ideas about marijuana from all kinds of sources, including potheads. Young people sometimes mistakenly believe that if someone uses a drug, they must be well informed and really know what they are talking about. Marijuana may not have the devastating withdrawal symptoms that more deviant drugs like heroin have, but it is plenty addictive and causes the same behavior/results as any other drug addiction. Marijuana addicts have dysfunction in their relationships and build their lives around using the drug, thus neglecting more positive activities. Similar to alcoholics, they often fail to reach their true potential in school, career and life.

Marijuana isn’t a real drug. This is also one of the more pernicious myths about marijuana. THC, the psychoactive agent in marijuana is a powerful hallucinogen and has especially potent effects on an adolescent brain, which is still very plastic and changeable. Research shows that young users of Marijuana are more likely to develop mood disorders and even psychosis than their non-using peers. It is clear that teens who use marijuana have less fear of other drugs – this lowered perception of harm puts them at increased risk of using other dangerous substances.

Pot is a plant, and something organic can’t be harmful. Some kids think that marijuana is herbal and kind of a vitamin or something…If you look at the world of nature, there are lots of elements you would not want to have contact with…snake venom, poisonous mushrooms and deadly hemlock are all natural, too. Many drugs originate from plants; they just go through a little more processing before arriving in a user’s hands. Marijuana may be a natural intoxicant, but the end result is impairment, which interferes with one’s ability to perform even the most basic of tasks. There are also many detrimental health effects, which have been extensively researched and widely published.

Marijuana is medicine and has healing properties. One of my more amusing classroom interactions about Marijuana: Two boys (who struck me as pot smokers) were insisting that pot cures glaucoma, so I asked them if they had glaucoma – they looked at each other and then back at me and said “no, but we are doing prevention for glaucoma!” Kids notice headlines about the link between marijuana and illnesses like cancer, AIDS and painful muscular disorders. Teens don’t necessarily read the whole newspaper article and sometimes jump to the conclusion that pot cures cancer or returns ill people to good health. Marijuana has some quirky medical properties, but doesn’t cure anything. It is quite effective as a nausea suppressant, so chemotherapy patients have found relief from those uncomfortable side effects. It can also increase hunger, thus addressing the wasting syndrome associated with the later stage of AIDS. Medicine has many superior pain relievers at its disposal, so marijuana may not be the best choice for pain – one recent study even showed that marijuana can increase the sensation of pain in some patients! Morphine, a member of the opiate family, enables people with painful illnesses to be comfortable. This does not suggest that heroin should be legal or available. The legitimate use of marijuana as medicine shouldn’t be used to discount the harmful effects of recreational use.

Marijuana isn’t as bad as alcohol, so should also be legal. It is true that alcohol causes many societal ills, but at the same time, many adults have a perfectly healthy relationship with alcohol with no harmful effects. It is important to look at intentions and results when we gauge someone’s alcohol use. If a drinker is looking to get bombed every time he or she drinks or often ends up drunk, we consider this problem drinking. People smoke pot to get stoned, there is no other reason to use the drug. Marijuana is not part of the food and beverage world, or something that goes well with cheese…I don’t believe there is a non-harmful way to use Marijuana (unless for medical purposes) – there is always intoxication and negative health effects. Legalization of marijuana would create more users and make the Goliath of addiction in America that much bigger…And, do we really want a bunch of stoned people walking around?

Girls are great fun to teach, but I also worry about them. This is why I visit many girls schools and I have observed some hazards that do seem particular to girls. The obvious and most pressing fear is that a young woman who is incapacitated by alcohol will be sexually assaulted. I am certainly not discounting the horror and harm there, but people are well versed in those statistics and I want to address some of the more subtle dangers I see for girls in the alcohol arena. Our society often worries about the more visible male side of drinking and addresses issues like assaults, violence, vandalism and fights. The more invisible consequences for girls are often overlooked. As females get into middle school, they tune in to the message that their appearance is paramount and the pressure to perform for adults starts in earnest. My concern for girls is that they are so busy being perfect, that alcohol use becomes a form of self-medication. In the independent school world, the expectation from adults is that girls will get excellent grades, be fine athletes, be accomplished in the arts, do community service and on top of all that, be nice. The expectation from their peers and the greater pop culture is that they will have perfect hair and skin, wear fabulous clothes, as well as be skinny, cool, pretty and popular. Whoa. It’s not a surprise that some girls are letting the steam off in unhealthy ways.  Calorie conscious girls refrain from eating if they know they are going out drinking, which puts them at increased risk for getting dangerously intoxicated quickly (and all the risks inherent in that), as well as developing disordered eating around alcohol. I have not heard of a boy “dieting” all day so he can drink more beer at night. Girls are also not skilled at just leaving a situation if it gets too hairy or uncomfortable. They stick around in case they are needed to play nurse to a drunken friend or feel worried that people won’t understand why they left the party. Males often say that would just go home if they didn’t like what was happening; girls almost never say that. Some students of both genders feel confident that they could call their parents or another trusted adult to assist them in an emergency, which shows a strong bond between parent and child and good instincts on the student’s part. It’s extra important that parents go over these possibilities with their daughters and sons and offer to come help – no guarantee of amnesty is necessary, as kids in healthy families understand that consequences would be reasonable and the family would survive the event. More importantly, disaster is easily avoided if kids can trust that adults know what to do and it is safe to call for help. This is not a mixed message, as parents aren’t expecting kids to drink, they are rather making room for the idea that their child could make a mistake and might need them.

If you pay attention to all the rubbish on TV and the Internet, it seems that teens are just out of control in every way. Please remember that in the midst of all this madness, many, many young people are thriving and making healthy choices. In fact, the majority of kids that I meet are doing just fine, but nobody is talking about them. In my work, I try to really keep it simple; we are hoping for postponement of alcohol use until adulthood. Bearing in mind that alcoholism is a pediatric illness that almost always arises in childhood, delaying onset of alcohol use is the primary goal. Teens see the logic in that message and it doesn’t demonize all alcohol use, which would confuse them about adult drinking. Many factors go into whether or not teens use alcohol and other drugs. Kids who are getting a loving non-use message at home, delivered with warmth and humor are making the best decisions – this is true for boys and girls. Parents who focus on health and safety have the most success.  I once heard a mother say something beautiful at a parent meeting, “I have already told my daughter that she is my Hope Diamond and I cannot replace her – I wouldn’t toss my diamond into the middle of a keg party with 80 drunk kids running around and expect to ever see it again or have it come home in one piece – my daughter understands that it’s her environment that I don’t trust and not her.”

Deep winter is upon us; a good time to ruminate on heavy questions! I received a thoughtful, heartfelt letter from a parent whose child I taught not too long ago. Rather than try to explain her question, I will share her letter and my response:

Dear Brenda,

Addiction is a subject that is very important to me, as I have a parent who is alcoholic. I really want my kids to be careful and respectful of the strong genetic predisposition that they may have. To help minimize the risks that they develop a problem here, I have two goals in mind: one is to delay the use of alcohol (ideally avoiding drugs altogether) and two is to discourage binging. I wanted to ask you about your thoughts on using some kind of an incentive. It would have to operate on an honor system. I am afraid that many people would dismiss this as a vulgar attempt at bribery.  To be clear, we are not trying to “buy” our kids’ compliance. That is why finding a suitable reward would be difficult. Our kids are not particularly focused on material things (yes, probably because they have enough already), nor do we want to encourage that (and, of course, most parents would agree here). Therefore, we thought about trying to find some special, sentimental and significant tribute, such as a special vacation or meaningful family experience. I have thought that it could be set up to reward them once for making it through high school without drinking or drugs, and then again for the college years for not binging. I think it could have the added benefit of giving our kids the ability to argue against peer pressure. A friend told me she once heard Tom Selleck interviewed and he said the thing he was most proud of was a gold watch his parents gave him (and all his siblings!) when they completed high school without using alcohol or drugs. 

We feel that the most important things we can do as parents here are to model good behavior, to express our values clearly, and to keep the lines of communication open. We believe the incentive approach for our kids might give them one more excuse for not partaking, an “out” with peers when they are really under pressure. It is not as if we would not also explain to our kids the reasons why we value postponement and eventually moderation. We would only consider the incentive as one piece in a larger toolkit.

Thanks for writing. I can hear that this topic is an urgent one for you. Beyond all the health and safety issues, you comprehend that how your children relate to alcohol now could affect the next decades of their lives and those who care about them! Postponement is the answer and if you can keep your kids sober (or almost sober!) through their teen years, you are home free. Alcoholism is indeed a pediatric illness and it most often arises in childhood, even though the more drastic outcomes are seen in adulthood.

As to your question about the wisdom of offering a “reward” of some kind for non-use during high school: There must be a way to communicate your values around this topic to your children that doesn’t involve anything material. You want your kids’ inspiration to stay sober to be their own well-being and a desire to preserve cherished relationships. These should be the compelling reasons to abstain. Clearly you have much life experience (your family) and fear when it comes to alcohol – I think it would be helpful to explain this to your kids with candor and warmth. Kids who don’t drink come from homes where there is an ongoing, loving non-use message. I don’t like to mix up the lessons of honor and substance abuse.  Keeping their word to you so they can get the gold watch is a matter of honor – Making good decisions about their health is a lifelong value that may have some bumps that your kids would be afraid to tell you about it if they were going to forfeit the gold watch. There would never be a way to truly verify if they kept their side of the bargain, so trust would take on a whole new face in this and things could get messy. I understand that you are trying to provide incentives and ultimately keep your children safe, but in the end, I don’t believe important health decisions can be bargained about with any sort of “currency”. It’s a soul thing! I rather think it can work the other way around; go on those wonderful vacations and have meaningful family time as a matter of course and this in itself will prevent many harmful behaviors. I am so glad you are being this creative in trying to keep your kids healthy – You are the kind of parent who ends up with intact children who turn into emotionally stable adults. Keep looking for answers and I believe a more profound one will present itself.

I have been asked this question by other smart, caring parents many times, so you are not alone in wondering if material rewards might be effective. I am grateful to have such a meaningful blog topic -thank you for providing me with the idea!

I love it when research proves MY points! The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism just released findings that show how important it is to keep kids sober during high school! http://decoder.drugfree.org/2009/11/23/my-thoughts-on-how-not-to-raise-a-college-binge-drinker/ There are some stubborn myths out there about teen drinking and I find myself addressing them over and over again everywhere I go all over the world…One of the more pernicious misperceptions is that kids need to experience drinking in high school in order to prepare for college life (as if boozing is central to the college experience for all students). The question from a parent usually goes like this…”Don’t you think teens need to practice drinking in high school so they learn their limits early and don’t go wild in college?” I sigh inside and think about the conversation I had during period 4 where a senior explained that if there was such a thing as a “Drunk Button,” he would gladly push it and skip having to drink huge amounts of cheap beer. Heavy drinking in high school increases limits (tolerance) in a dangerous way and can prevent teens from developing the very skills necessary for an emotionally healthy adult life. High school students need to practice living, not drinking, in order to be ready for college. Young people who are “prepared” for college life have mastered the crucial tasks of adolescence – they are able to deal with disappointment, boredom and joy.  They know how to regulate their moods and manage their feelings without alcohol – this is how they gain the maturity to drink alcohol safely.   Many college

Beer Pong Ball Machine

students are making low risk choices around alcohol, but nobody is writing articles or showing newscasts about them.  Studies have shown us that the students who fall apart drinking in college are the ones who brought a drinking problem with them from high school.  When the fences that kept them somewhat under control in high school fall away and they are free to drink the way they always dreamed of…that’s when disaster strikes.  Binge drinking doesn’t really begin on college campuses, it’s just continued in a more reckless way.  I believe that the many students I meet who are making good decisions in high school continue to make good decisions in college – even if they dabble in alcohol, it is not going to make or break them, as they are already fairly complete when they arrive.

This morning began with a lovely run on the Haverford College Campus after snowfall last night. There is nothing like crunching through a snowy wood at daybreak – I had the place to myself and could think about my 10th grade students last week here in Philadelphia. The beauty and stillness of winter is the perfect setting to consider the inner life of a sophomore in high school.

No other grade is as mute as 10th, yet no other grade pays such fierce attention in my seminar. Younger kids have more to say on the topic of alcohol and other drug abuse, as do older kids. I once heard someone say that adolescents need you the most when they are the hardest to be around…Teaching 10th grade is a challenge only because you really have NO IDEA what they are thinking or what they will do with the information being presented. I like 10th grade a lot and I have theories about why they are so quiet. They seem to be in a deep phase of rumination on this topic. Those who are drinking are likely in a honeymoon phase with alcohol and can’t believe that something that makes them feel good might be harmful. The students who aren’t drinking are wondering if they are making a healthy choice or missing out on all the fun – some are also wondering if they will really make it all the way through high school sober and do they even need to…Or, they are concerned about friends who are drinking and possibly feeling abandoned by peers who have caved in and started boozing. Sophomores aren’t exactly joyous non-users like middle schoolers or older students can be. Long story short, they need adults. They won’t tell us that or thank us for it, but they require much attention and support while they molt through being 15. The room warms up when I explain to students that I hit the deck with my addiction in 10th grade and had to be hospitalized twice during that time – I wasn’t at all okay when I was their age and they seem to appreciate and understand that level of honesty.

hiding in a hammock, but paying attention!

Next week is 8th grade; a whole new world…

Drug Assemblies are odd events. I don’t think they work well in preventing substance abuse, but I actually enjoy doing them – it’s a chance to meet the whole community and I can be a comedian, which is fun. Alas, entertainment is all it is, I fear. As far as “entertainment” goes, it is probably rather wholesome compared to the rubbish many kids are digesting every day in our media saturated society. I am constantly urging schools to schedule me with smaller target groups who I can see multiple times in a week. Most schools see the logic and happily comply. I understand the instinct to have me see as many kids as possible during a visit, especially when one factors in the cost and scheduling hassle of inviting a consultant to campus for a week. If we focus on 8th and 10th grade, parents are calling to see why their 9th or 11th grader isn’t having the program. Good prevention involves a long term relationship with a school and we install a pattern so that all students will eventually have a meaningful prevention seminar with me once or twice in their high school career. I seek to be honest and economical with words in all of my talks, as nothing needs to be sugar coated and no point stays poignant if overstated. I spent a glorious week in Colorado recently, where I gave an all school assembly and had the following exchange the next morning at a faculty presentation:

Teacher: “I enjoyed your assembly very much yesterday, but I am wondering what message the kids take away from your presentation?”

Brenda: “I don’t know.”

Teacher: “You don’t know?”

Brenda: “No, I have no idea.”

That is the bare bones truth, but I wish I had elaborated! I think what kids leave my assembly with really depends on what they come INTO my assembly with…The pothead who is totally committed to smoking dope will leave my talk feeling like I somehow gave him or her permission to keep smoking. The non-user will leave feeling validated for all of that healthy decision-making. The kid on the fence might go away and really think about the issue in a new way. It is sort of like asking an English teacher what kids leave a class with – for some kids a life-long love of poetry is born, others never open a book for pleasure again. One thing I feel sure of is that people in a large crowd give up responsibility for what they hear or even how they behave. It’s easy to sit in the back row with your buddies and blow it off or just find a way to not participate. I used a lot of media clips during my assembly, such as funny beer commercials, so we had a laugh together. I also showed a dance called Addiction http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5×7alINFNKI. Many students commented that they enjoyed this creative way to portray the complexities of addiction. I find that some kids need to laugh their way into the subject, or dance their way in – I try to use different avenues to reach the vast spectrum of personalities out there.

Next stop Philadelphia – stay tuned for the continuation of the Drug Lady Diary…

It’s a rainy Wednesday in November and I didn’t get back from school until almost dark – this could make for an icky mood, but I am actually in Heaven. I am having the most extraordinary week in Richmond, Virginia. My students are lovely, funny, natural 8th grade girls. In introducing herself, one girl explained that she had found a new flavor of ice cream called Birthday Cake – “it even has frosting in it!” she enthusiastically declared. How gross, but how sweet to hear it from her. A friend reminded me today that I say I LOVE THESE KIDS week after week. I don’t know what the moon was doing when these children were born, but I have met uncommonly nice students this year, spanning India, Baltimore, Washington, New York, Virginia and Louisiana.

It's hard to convince people that Jeff and I aren't a couple

This is my annual trip with my friend and business associate, Jeff Wolfsberg http://www.jeffwolfsberg.com He is a talented alcohol and other drug educator and we have fun presenting together. Jeff is an absolute go-getter when it comes to the latest, greatest in the world of prevention and social media. As we waited for coffees this afternoon, he asked me what my long term business vision was. I thought for a minute and said “I was hoping to open a pie shop.” I just like talking to people and why not do it over pie?

I will keep this blog short, as I like it when blogs are brief and illuminating. I will leave you with a list of what is inspiring me this week. My ears are being soothed by the recently discovered music of Yoav http://www.myspace.com/yoavmusic. My mind is alive with a novel by Kate Walbert called A Short of History of Women. My food needs are being met by Fage 2% yogurt with honey – Oh, it’s wildly good. The music was given to me by someone I barely know, the book was recommended by a woman I barely know, and kids I barely know are cheering me up every minute of every day. Strangers are worth paying attention to.